Aug 18, 2012
Posted by Larry Burk | 0 comments

The first 8 of the 13 Laws of The House of God are attributed to the legendary Fat Man, the resident who is the only voice of sanity during Roy Basch’s tumultuous internship. The Laws are introduced in ALL CAPS in sequential order in the book with the last 5 apparently being made up by Basch himself.

The Laws of The House of God

I:      Gomers don’t die.
II:      Gomers go to ground.
III:    At a cardiac arrest, the first procedure is to take your own pulse.
IV:    The patient is the one with the disease.
V:      Placement comes first.
VI:    There is no body cavity that cannot be reached with a #14 needle and a good strong arm.
VII:    Age + BUN = Lasix dose.
VIII:  They can always hurt you more.
X:      If you don’t take a temperature, you can’t find a fever.
IX:    The only good admission is a dead admission.
XI:    Show me a BMS who only triples my work and I will kiss his feet.
XII:    If the radiology resident and the BMS both see a lesion on the chest X ray, there can be no lesion there.
XIII:  The delivery of medical care is to do as much nothing as possible.